The last month has been a bit of a tumultuous ride as I’ve been figuring out various things – the status of TRVLSQD.com, the failed renewal of the domain, trying to ensure the original site wasn’t lost, etc. To understand the conundrum, one needs to take a look back and understand the path to the present.
This post is lengthy, and very long overdue.
I’d say most of you here know me, many of you might not. It’s OK. Somehow you found your way here to this Team, and that’s really all that matters. A few weeks back, some of you may have been glued to Facebook – checking in on those that decided to toe-the-line at GORUCK Selection. That event brings me back to the world I was introduced to many years ago. I say many years ago because I have zero idea what the current Class Number “could” be for a GORUCK “Tough” if that’s the name of the Challenge I endured to celebrate my 40th Birthday. Class 044, with Cadre Lou, in my hometown of Tacoma, WA.
I suffered enough during that first Class to remain smart enough to show up at Seattle a month later – still recovering from getting my ass handed to me in Tacoma. My ego wouldn’t let me stay home, and Mr. Templeman re-assured me that I was in fact an idiot for doing another one so close to my crawling across the finish point 3-4 weeks before. What’s the saying – “Life is tough, it’s tougher when you’re stupid,” “If you’re going to be stupid, you should at least be tough.” I don’t know about either. But after 044 I sure as shit didn’t feel tough, and JT’s words sunk into me about the question of my stupidity.
The years rolled on, as did the Classes. One Challenge turned into “I lost count” to the feeling of needing to one-up myself over the Classes of the past. Trying to ensure I never forgot the “First Suffering” and having 044 TACOMA, WA embroidered onto that first “Flame Patch” led me to that special phone call to GORUCK HQ to see how I could get it replaced (the attempt got fucked up in the process, and I wanted to replace it.) All I know is someone at HQ got some cool Tacoma, WA shit (yes,it exists) that I had to send, and I got my replacement. Funny thing is – that patch sits in a box somewhere in my closet along side other patches honoring Cadre that are no longer Cadre, men that have moved on. I haven’t seen it in years. YEARS. Funny to say that.
Time is relentless – it never stops.
I mentioned SELECTION was underway recently with GORUCK, and the thought of that Event brought back memories of folks within this Team that trained to attempt, with some earning that coveted “BLACK PATCH.” I even had a “TRVLSQD BLACK TAB” made, given to anyone affiliated with TRVLSQD that passed Selection. I can say I’ve handed out a few, but it’s been years. YEARS. Some of the Selected were based here in the great PNW, others are out there in the big, wild world. “The Teacher”, the “But-First-Let’s-Take-A-Selfie” Master, and the rest of you – I hope all of you are doing well and in great health.
Within a year after experiencing my first suffering, I realized that this Team – although created to train for GR Events, and other OCRish-type of events, the underlying urge to help others continued to grow. We helped each other to prepare, and then we turned to helping in other ways. Families in need, soldiers in need, children in need – there wasn’t a blueprint to support. We just figured it out. Over time, it became less and less about any of us, and more and more about others.
There have been so many families that have crossed our paths, so many that I don’t think I’d be able to list them all here, or be able to even find images of the moments where we stood in their support. It’s been that long. From Arden to Avery, Brooklyn to Shayla, Team Arnts and the others who we’ve helped. Every one of them will always be a piece of this Team, whether they’ve moved away, grown up, or simply continue to make all of us proud – they remain the heart of TRVLSQD.
I’ve spent many a day and night thinking about the direction of this Team, and I’ve watched it continue to move forward without much interaction or direction from me – for YEARS.
There’s a plethora of reasons for this – the biggest by far was my divorce. Some decisions take milliseconds to make, others – like mine- take about a quarter century. We all face moments in our life in which the choices we make forever changes the path of certainty. “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.” I never imagined that I’d face the hardest years of my life after I chose to move on. My ex-wife is someone I’ve known for 33 years. The only one in this Team that’s known me longer – my entire life- is Frank “Da Tank,” or Kahanu when he’s around ohana.
Regardless of my choice to move on, she’ll always be the mother of the “Dynamic Duo”, the two that we were blessed with during our time together. Some of you have been around this Team long enough to remember them – many of you have never met them. And that’s ok too. I don’t have many pictures of them interacting with the Team, some of the few are pretty awesome though!
They too have continued to grow up, as time moves at the speed of life.
I started this post sometime last week. There is so much that I know in time I’ll remember, and if it’s important enough I can always bring it up later. I took a step back from most TRVLSQD shenanigans as my life began to change, as I moved forward in my search for happiness. It’s amazing how such a drastic life change can bring a new clarity to the fog of a previous life. It’s also true that you find out who your true friends are – those that have supported me as I negotiated the quagmire of my failed relationship. As with changes in life, friendships can come and go. Families grow, careers take over, folks move away. I’m thankful for the years of memories so many of the Team have given me – memories that will always make me smile (mainly because of the stupid shit we did that we were lucky to have not gotten severely hurt or worse.)
Through all of this, I know I’ll be better for the path I’ve chosen. I took a step back to realize my culture and it’s importance to my heart. I began to learn about Outrigger Paddling, and showed up four years ago to re-establish my connection to the water. Water does heal everything – blood, sweat, tears – it all flows with “ka moana – the ocean” and our connection to “ke kai – the sea”. I began a new humbling process in which I began to understand the true importance of respecting kupuna – our elders – as I learned about perpetuating the Hawaiian culture through outrigger paddling. I learned about a new Team – a team of six – paddling with grace and power through the water. And in time I’d be asked to step forward and lead this “Hui”- club. I’ve been President of KIKAHA O KE KAI for the last two years.
I started taking pictures so many years ago, I don’t even remember when I started. I do know that I focused in on ensuring I took as many images of my own kids and family, as they’ll someday realize how important those memories really are – and KANAIAUPUNE Photography was born..
At this point some of you may be wondering why I’ve spent this much time explaining my life for at least the last 4-5 years. After many days and nights thinking about the future, the time has come to pass the torch. This Team is very much ready for a new leader (s) at the helm.
First, I want everyone to thank – for his supreme support – someone who is the real-life version of the “Keymaster” from the movie “The Matrix.” He has been instrumental in ensuring that my un-tech abilities haven’t stopped the website from completely being lost. He actually helped to create it, and has kept an eye on it ever since. He also fixed the last hiccup. He runs ALL-DAY RUCKOFF – Brian Lohr! If you haven’t kept up with his Gear Reviews and Podcast, well,……hurry-up hurry-up hurry-up! Brian will help with our new leadership once it is fully in place.
Next, I’ve got some transition work to do with this special lady and her crew (yeah I’m talking to those minions in the shadows…Lis…Nicole…..)
I’ve spoken to her over the last few months, and as a matter of fact she’s waiting on a phone call from me anytime now. She’ll have plenty of help as I’ll never be too far away, and others to help her sort out the details.
She’s been very instrumental in so many ways, that I can’t even begin to list the ways she’s helped this Team. And if you don’t know her, then you’ve been away way worse than I have!
So with a warm welcome and a smile, please know that moving forward,
Dina Reed will be the new owner of TRVLSQD!
….shit…she just texted me….
Well, I suppose that’s enough of a history lesson from me. It’s taken me about three and a half weeks to finish this….work on it…change it….edit it…time to let it go.
I appreciate all of you and everything you’ve done to make me smile, piss me off, make me shake my head, have me in tears, break my heart, and enable my spirit to soar. I do love you all.
Life really is too short to hold onto bullshit. For me, I’m learning to let things go. I’m setting free that which I truly love. See you all in the fuckery!
Aloha,
fkh
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